We worry about many things, from the small to the large, things from our past, future happenings and current situations. For some, this is a time to ruminate. The worries are going around their head and there does not seem an end to it. They just cannot stop thinking about it. There is no thought of resolution as they are too busy mulling. ‘Why didn’t I do this differently?’, ‘what if this happens?’, ‘why did he ignore me?’, ‘I looked so stupid’. On and on it goes. Martin Seligman suggests that pessimists who ruminate are more likely to get depressed, since there is no hope for change. Also it seems women are more likely to ruminate than men. Since prolonged rumination gets us nowhere, it’s time to kick the habit. Here are some ideas I hope will help.

Ruminating optimistically

Tell yourself that things are going to get better, there is a way out of the situation and it won’t ruin your life. This belief can surge a person into action, rather than continuing to dwell on unhelpful thoughts. When you become aware that you are ruminating, quickly move to a problem solving approach. Decide on a practical solution to your worries, then implement it. Your solution may be as simple as accepting what has happened and that it’s too late to change things.

Argue with your thoughts

When we worry we like to think the worst of ourselves or assume the worst will happen. Look at your thoughts critically and ask yourself: is this true? Where is the evidence? In the grand scheme of things is it so important? Will I still care a year from now? Next, you should replace them with more realistic thoughts. Practise this technique every time you ruminate.

Speak to someone

Saying your thoughts out loud can break the power they have over you. Find someone you can trust, who will listen to you.

Put pen to paper

Write your worries down. In doing so, you may become aware of how unhelpful such thinking is. If so, rip it up into tiny pieces then throw it away. Else, underneath write out a solution to your worries.

Try some adolescent rebelling

Tell yourself: ‘yeah whatever’; ‘I don’t want to hear it’; ‘I don’t need to hear it’. You do not need to listen to the nagging. It’s just boring.

Trust yourself to get through it

Remember how you worried about that rude shop assistant a couple of months  ago? It seems funny now. Somehow you took control of your worries before, so why not do it again now? Except this time you’ll do it faster.

Focus on the here and now

Try some deep breathing exercises and appreciate the world around you.

Written 2008 and originally published in Wellbeing and Happiness Ezine, Issue 5.