Some people feel more guilt than others. There’s nothing wrong with feeling guilty when you really have something to feel guilty about – in fact I’d be worried if you didn’t feel guilt in these circumstances. The guilt I am concerned with here is when a person experiences this emotion seemingly automatically, whether it is warranted or not. For instance guilt about a decision made that does not suit absolutely everybody. Then there’s the guilt about changing, or not changing at all.  Or feeling guilty about bettering yourself for fear …

If you worry too much what people think, you can find yourself stuck, going nowhere fast. Even worse, when the people you are worrying about are full of criticism and scepticism for your plans and ideas. Remember that people can be uneasy with change and may try to hold back people trying to get ahead, in an attempt to maintain their own comfort levels.

I must do this, I should do that. We have these rules that can sometimes dominate our life. It’s your life and so the rules you live by should be your own. For instance, decorate your house how you want and not worry about whether your visitors will ‘approve’. Or read the books you want, rather than the ones you feel you ought.

Learn to recognise negative or unrealistic thoughts when they arise. These include thoughts such as ‘I can’t’, ‘never’, ’must’. Also note when you underestimate the role you play in something ‘oh, I was just lucky’. Being aware of such thoughts means you can go on and challenge them and replace them with more realistic ones. Thoughts influence our actions.

When contemplating future events, try to accept that the worst does not always happen, so don’t assume it will. If you are prone to such all or nothing thinking try to challenge your automatic thoughts and ask yourself how likely that gloomy scenario you are contemplating is to happen.

Have you ever done something that is at odds with how you perceive yourself? Something that has challenged your beliefs about who you are and the sort of things you do. Really I’m talking about the times when you have stepped outside of your comfort zone and exceeded expectations of yourself. Hopefully you recognised that what you did is in fact part of you. As such you will need to create a new, updated perception of self.

In a previous I spoke about keeping your word. The idea being that if you keep your word you prevent upsetting others and are essentially promoting happiness. Of course, the reality is people do not always keep their word.
If someone lets you down or goes back on a promise, presumably you take it personally. It makes sense, after all it’s happened to you. Cos these things always happen to you right? Well yeah it did happen. However, everybody else gets disappointed too. Do you keep a count of when …

I hate being ill. I’m not ill very often, but when I am it makes me really grumpy. I lay in bed thinking about all the things I could be doing if I wasn’t ill. I then promise myself that I will not take my health for granted. Because it’s easy to take your health for granted. You don’t notice it until things go wrong.
The same could be said for happiness. Life’s pretty good, you’re trundling along quite nicely then bam – something inevitably happens that throws you off course. …

We worry about many things, from the small to the large, things from our past, future happenings and current situations. For some, this is a time to ruminate. The worries are going around their head and there does not seem an end to it. They just cannot stop thinking about it. There is no thought of resolution as they are too busy mulling. ‘Why didn’t I do this differently?’, ‘what if this happens?’, ‘why did he ignore me?’, ‘I looked so stupid’. On and on it goes. Martin Seligman suggests …

It is possible to develop optimism since it is a mind-state and our thought patterns can be dramatically altered if we work hard enough at it. Hopefully the following ideas will help.

Watch your thinking. Try not to think in terms of always or never. For example: missing the bus and saying to yourself: “this always happens to me”.  Or, just before making a presentation at work, saying to yourself: “I never do well at these things”. Such thinking is not realistic or rational and should be challenged.

Acknowledge that good …